memories and movies

you know how it is when you look around and see your past. your memories take shape and become real right in front of your eyes. and you can see how happy you were in that time, because that is exactly the reason why you remember the memory in the first place. or when you recount a story and you can see the images flash in front of your eyes. yesterday i was at an alumni event and i met an applicant. yeah an applicant at an alumni event, no big deal we are big hearted people. so she asked me, "tell me how your experience at iese was" and all of a sudden i had a flurry of images rush past, and for a second i didnt know where to start. friends, assignments, sorrow, excitement, professors, job search, dgdw, bows and so much more. i started to tell her about it and i would keep jumping from one story to the next one, unable to channel my excitement or control, almost bursting with pleasure at having the chance to reminisce. at one point, it was she who got exasperated and stopped me mid-way to say, your face lights up when you tell me about this experience! i have heard many people talk about their mbas, but never seen anyone so happy about it! i felt warm, really cozy deep down in my heart and really knew what it meant when your heart smiles. just two days before that i was at an mba fair and i got chatting with this girl who was almost looking lost in the fair, was on her way out because the people she wanted to speak to had already gone. i have never done this in my life before and usually i am not the one to start up small talk and turn it into even a decent conversation, forget a real one. but with her it turned out that she had questions about an mba and about selecting a college and i had genuine answers to all her questions. heck i even remembered her question when actually she forgot she had asked it! it just all came out so naturally and so effortlessly. i wasnt selling my school, i was sharing my experience with her and i was telling her why i enjoyed it so much and why i could do it all over again. effortless is the word to describe the description.

i think i get this from my dad. let me explain. he is a very thoughtful person, takes his time to go over things in his several times over and over again, and takes everyone's time to come to decision. so when i say i get this from him, its the thinking part - i would like to believe that in taking decisions i am like my mom. and this this realisation about thinking struck me when i joined them on their first europe trip. the first time outside the country, i could see myself in them - the way i had reacted and absorbed my surroundings when i had first landed in barcelona. he said it was like walking in a storybook, and that was exactly my reaction too. in fact mom recounts, my first description of london was that it felt like i was in noddy's world, sitting atop the cute red double decker bus and going around old brick building along the river. and then another time it was quite evident. i was trying to tell them how i would like to have a leather jacket, but everytime i try to buy it i hold it in my hand and it feel - and here i got stuck because i could describe what i was thinking. and then dad said it feels like real skin, not yet taken of the animal's body. of course he described what i only had in my head, he is my dad, and the smartest of all. but the fact that he had the same thought in his head too.

so yeah, mom and dad went around taking in the sights, the newness, the difference of lifestyle and just naturally fell into that role. just like i always aim for. even when they went up the mountain, they were natural about regulating their breathing and their pace, to enjoy the natural sights. althought they might have done hiking maybe 2-3 times and at least 10 years ago. their colleagues, on the other hand, were interested in marking tourist sights off their list and converting prices of souvenirs while deciding whether to buy or not. but my parents were absorbing the life. i felt so proud and so grateful. i could see my trips and my behaviour in those trips flash past in front of my eyes, never before have i identified myself so much with them. and even more, i saw in their eyes a reassurance, that i had found a place for myself to fit in here and yet not lose myself. mom mistook another girl for me as we dressed in a similar way and she was happy about it.. i saw in my mom her own self from at least 20 years ago. thats what it was - they were back in their days of youth, when they were starting a new life, and ready to absorb novelties, free from all the worries and hardships they were about to tackle.. this trip for them was carefree and effortless..

effortless is the word for expression when nostalgia hits me. i love to talk about it again and again and again. because when i talk the scenes come back, come alive and the emotions fill me. i wish i could make a movie of all these scenes in my head and then watch it over and over again so that i remember each minute detail and each emotion..

maybe thats what movies are all about.. memories and emotions and nostalgia and each one identifying with it in their own unique way.. thats why i like watching movies, because i look for myself in there, and wish that all the trouble there are lead to a good ending just like they do in the movies.. and in the midst of all that, there might be a few songs to hum along and dances to lose yourself to..