prams and pacifiers

i watched in awe as the young father carried the pram into the bus, calmly swiped the ticket, and proceeded to park it in the open central area. it was pink and pretty, everything that would be automatically related to babies and cuteness and awww-ness. i peeked into the pram when the father was not watching, and held my breath as the baby looked at me with gorgeous blue eyes and cheeks that matched the colour of her pram. a face of absolute calm with a pink pacifier in her mouth, as she probably contemplated very peacefully where her mom was..

i like to watch babies with their parents, their body language, their moods, just how they go about their daily lives. when you are expecting to have a child, you start thinking about its pram among other things. its probably the most convenient thing ever, you can go everywhere with your child and everyone is comfortable, developing countries even accommodate prams in their public transport system, their parks, their security-check-instruction-videos at airports, prams are everywhere. and i never stop wondering at how sophisticated they can get. prams for twins. prams for two children of different ages, bunk style, one above the other. prams which can be turned around depending on whether you want your child to look at you as you walk her, or you want it to face the world. and then the minor features, rain-proof, additional pockets for food and other baby stuff, brakes, and what not. oh and as the child grows, you change prams too, its like getting bigger trousers, bigger shoes. something like that. they help you not get tired when you are going around within the city or outside it. you can even travel with prams. you can have special baby seats installed in your car, where your baby can safely sit while you drive. just like you can take your pets in special boxes in flights.

pacifiers are not so complicated. although there are some interesting design adaptations available, like this one below - google images named it funny baby pacifier, but i am not so sure about the funny part..

but pacifiers are definitely more ubiquitous, and that explains the fact why i don't hear babies crying so often. they are always calmly contemplating about their moms' whereabouts as they look out of their cute prams.

then i wonder. when i cry, do i want to have a pacifier put into my mouth or do i want to just let it all out? agreed that babies cry much more, louder and more often than i do, but then thats probably because thats they only way they know how to express. they cant blog, for example. i think about my nephews and younger cousins whom i remember as babies, if they cried, they wanted to be fed, to be patted to sleep, but mostly to be comforted. pacifier however is not a comforter. its probably more of a shut-up-er. and as babies grow up and start learning to talk blabbering about completely random stuff, talking almost as fast, or maybe even faster than they think. mom this, dad that, and what not. it does drive you crazy, after all its a 24x7 phenomenon. but you cant have it all rosy, can you? or of course you can use the shut-up-er. i am glad my mom hasn't used it, if i told her about it, she probably would want to use it even now. even on skype.

and then i think about if this really influences a person. its not just a girly i-just-want-you-to-hold-me logic, hugs have been sheldon-cooper-scientifically proved as the most comforting concept in the whole universe, its true. sometimes those bagpack like baby carriers seem like a decent mid-way solution, because your arms and hips and back are spared of the weight as you ramble around in a mall on a lazy sunday. but back to prams and pacifiers, those who as babies don't get their share of hugs and don't get to scream their lungs out or threaten their parents with a pretense at crying because they know they will surely be heard. and if they grow up like that? without feeling the need for hugs or for letting out their emotions. hugs-are-lame theory. preferring to keep to themselves rather than reaching out when they are suffering.. sounds realistic?

why do indians experience culture-shock?

because their culture is so different from most others that the differences never stop to amaze them. there is something about all of us who have been brought up as indians, whether we live in india or outside, that cannot be replaced, cannot be changed. to start with, one of those things is the love for overly-dramatic hyper-romantic musical 3-hour-long bollywood movies, which for others dont even comply with the definition of a movie.

chawdhary sa'ab aap bhi in kapdon se dhokha kha gaye. hum to hindustan ko apne dil mein liye ghumte hain...

no prizes for guessing this is from DDLJ. (in case you really couldn't guess, well now you know). this one is my favourite - for its clean, pristine, innocent and virtuous feel. makes you believe in the beauty of love. make you fall in love with the idea of love itself. when the spoilt brat falls for a girl's innocence, you want to be that innocent girl whom a brat will fall for and mend his ways. when he makes up an amorous story of what happened last and then as she starts crying he first apologises to her, then scolds her to make her listen, and then hugs to comfort her, you want to be that girl, you want to cry and be cared for like that. when you travel in europe across the swiss meadows, you hum the song "na jane mere dil ko kya ho gaya". in zurich, you buy the big cowbell not because its pretty or typically swiss, but because kajol had bought it when she was about to miss the train and which then led her to finding love and changed her life forever... but then, reality bites.

zarurat pairon ki zanjeer ban gayi hai aur roti ne par kaat diye hain...

the movie comes to an end. the trip comes to an end. you realise that looking for raj is impossible - brats in the real world are not like him. or maybe you are not the one who can make them feel differently. either you have practical constraints like a huge loan to pay-off, or you dont find minds as flexible as yours. if, at some point of time or under some influence, you feel that way and you feel the world is giving you signs that he is the one, you should already know that its time to wake up. it was a dream. and dreams, just like movies and like trips, need to come to an end too.

but being an indian rescues you from that trap of depression. movies cheer you up and set you off on the course of real life, with a more practical approach. as indians, we check if we can spend a life together and then allow ourselves to fall in love. not the other way around. not like some others - "lets see where this goes", "lets not define this now", "lets be cool about this", "you look good", "you are physically endowed", "i can live with you", "and oh yeah i forgot to think about it, but now that i am, i think i am in love with you". "but lets wait some more", "and yeah now, just to change the way things have been for too long, will you marry me?"

exactly the other way around for us. first thing that we think when we consider someone, is whether i can present him to my family. will my grandmother like him? we imagine being all coy while being surrounded by his family who are doting on you and declaring you as the one. and of course which movies he likes has to be a big deciding point as well. can he sing some classic romantic jagjit singh ghazals to woo me? for example - you will willingly break and bring the moon and stars for that someone, (but see even though that doesn't even make sense in english, thats what growing up on bollywood romantic movies does to you.) after that common hobbies, characteristics such as manners and discipline are all a bonus and to be discovered as part of the journey ahead. and people do change, right, so don't worry about the little chips on the shoulder. then there's the whole part of happily living together ever after. that marriages are made in heaven and last for 7 more births. when two people get married, their families get married to each other and the celebrations last forever, not to mention the preparations beforehand. and after that there might be many more specific cultural differences - my mother drained water from the rice after cooking and not before, like yours does and i don't like it - but the fabric is sustained by these quirks and the broader bickering about the corruption and the heat and crowds and the grime and all those things that define us as indian. forever. everywhere.

you have to be lucky to be borne and brought up as one. its like lycra - you either have it or you don't. so don't expect other cultures to have it, and just take it in your stride when they shock you. you are the one who is exotic, your culture is what they are curious about. you are the star.

be prepared

thats the scout motto. and it never became more important than now, when one has no idea of what to do and how, what to wear, the method, the activity, the expectations of before and after. read on to find out some questions that crossed my mind when i tried out new stuff. and apart from that maybe one of the things you could do before trying out something new is to, Google it.

sailing: how big is the boat? like the ferries between colaba and elephanta caves? or like those Yatches in movies? what should i wear - is it going to be cold or hot or sunny or rainy? (out in the sea it could be anything - it could be sunny, but the windy chilling you to the bone) how long will we be on the boat? will they train us on what to do? where and how will they tell us? do i need to know how to swim - what are the chances of me getting wet, falling into the water? (they did give us a training session in a classroom, with diagrams drawn on the board)

salsa club: how is is organised? do we stand in queues and wait for our turn? do we dance on a stage? what about the music, can i choose it? what about partners, do i need to stand in a particular place? what if no one asks me to dance? what if someone DOES ask me to dance!?

skiing: what do i need to wear? how many layers? will trackpants suffice? will the snow make my clothes wet? (my classmate lent me her ski wardrobe, its was a lot and i am so thankful she did. i looked like a transformer and have to admit i would have frozen without all that.) do i need to wear shoes ski shoes? how do the ski shoes fit me, when and where do i get them from? do i take a bag with me? waterbottle? what about food? do i change at the hotel or later, and if later then where? what is a ski lift for - do i need to send the skis somewhere?

paint-ball: again, what do i wear? is the paint washable? from my face? how long is it for? how do i know how to use the gun? will there be a first-aid box? these balls have paint and they hurt? why? even from on top of these army overalls?

bowling: why do i need to change my shoes? (they didn't show that in the movies) what's so tough about throwing a ball in a lane? why cant i just use any ball? (i soon found out the weight and size aspects. apparently there is a lot more science in these games than one would think)

horse-riding: i do know what clothes to wear and the wind is probably going to be chilly too, but why are you carrying boots? and why do you need special trousers of a specific fabric? if we go riding into the forest, how will we find our way back? how would i get a chance to gallop if we are riding between trees? and what if the horse gets hungry?

scuba diving: this looks like a shop selling wetsuits, where is the training center for scuba diving? dont they have a classroom to train us and give instructions? and the swimming pool to simulate the water pressure conditions? what about the changing room where i am supposed to put on my bathing suit first? (turned out to be a toilet) so we go to the boat without training? do i need sunscreen? why is this guy teaching me sign language, will i not be able to talk to the instructor? will i not be able to see his face or follow him where he goes? how do i know where to go and how to come back? what does he mean release the water from the goggles, will the water not attack up my nose if i do that? how do i call out if i need help? and i like the fins and the suit and everything, but why is he not giving me my oxygen tank?!

roller blading: do i need shoes inside? protective padding? where are the brakes? do i need brakes now, when i didn't need them in skates? how badly will i fall? how do i stand? ok, i am on the floor now, how do i get up? how do i turn?

then there are broader activities that i learned and are now a part of everyday life.

going to the beach: you may not even touch the water, the towel will remain dry, people in swimsuits may not even swim, but are are here to get a tan. a tan means a flush of pink of the cheeks to start with and for super white people maybe at most a shade of ochre or golden. and not being able to have a tan, could actually be sad because it makes them look like a ghost and not be able to wear white clothes. white matches brown shorts here btw, and not blue jeans.

google mapping: lo behold, you can not only figure out how to get to a place without asking anyone, but also you can get the best way to get there using public transport, an estimate of time to taken to arrive and the exact schedule of the buses and metros to take. people like me can still get lost, but thats a different matter.

technology - bb, skype, streaming movies and matches on internet thats faster than your imagination. apple devices and the convenience of it all and the widespread google technology.

partying - first you learn to stay up, then mastering drinking - be it coke or not and be it social or not, then identifying some aspects of music - the percussion instruments, the beat which fits into your heartbeat, the rhythm, the way it asks you to dance in a particular way, and of course dressing up and accessorising to fit into the crowd of party hoppers. finally be able to decode the feeling of i want to go clubbing tonight.

travelling - be it a road trip, flying, backpacking - its all about compressing your world into bag. and establishing a routine for your day when you get up, have a sumptuous breakfast and spend the day walking to explore a city.

mba events - spring games, dgdw, multi culti - effort behind putting it all together. why does it take a team of 5 people 15 days to put together a fete of food and drinks of 45 nationalities. or why a conference of some group discussions and lectures, takes a year to organise. or why a sports day can turn into as big as an olympic event with another year of preparation going in.

so go out and explore, you may or may not be prepared enough. in the end its the fun you had that counts!