attraversiamo

so i watched julia robert's eat pray love a few days back. and here's the message i carried from the movie - lets cross over.. cross over from our perennial woes and problems and complains and confusions and fears and everything thats pulls us down and doesn't let us enjoy life. instead - meditate, laugh, eat, pray, love, dance, sleep - find pleasure in the simple things of life :) couple of dialogues from the movie that stayed back with me - its time - sometimes its fine to lose your balance in love to find the new meaning of life - we are so scared of failing that we we'll get destroyed if we dont.. (something to that effect, i probably got the words wrong)

now here's why i sound like a cliched counsellor. yes i broke up and yes i was watching it as a coping up exercise. right now a new phase had begun in my life. and the timing of this phase in my life is amazing. i just stop and wonder at how the guy sitting up in the clouds above coordinates so many things simultaneously. with dgdw done, i have all the time in the world, with being single i have no expectations anymore, and with my phone gone and watches stopped i have noone to answer to and noone deadlines to follow. and its the perfect phase following the last one. i have had my share of experiences - crush, confusion, love, break-up, fleeting kiss, love again, break-up again. but right now i am just like a feather floating in the wind. letting the wind take me around, enjoying my sense of feeling weightlessness. until i look down.

and then i see that there is a wave of break-ups around me. is it something to do with finding ourselves in the mba, or is it looking around and realising that my perfect world is not even in working condition. when will my movie start again? i want to be infatuated.. find my happy ending... but i dont like the waiting, can someone speed this up for me please?

seeking attention

disclaimer - one of my least like posts. but its something i need to accept myself. so here goes.

its quite interesting to observe how much attention a person can need - i have tried profiling some typical attention seeking traits below. of course we all have our moments of seeking attention. but turns out some of us have it quite a bit. the key aspect that would qualify the grade of attention seeking behaviour, is how vocal a person is about it. one might still think all that i have listed below, but may not ever express it. thus wanting attention but not seeking it. just yet.

fishing for compliments: how does this taste? how do i look? how did i do this? i achieved this! this is my work! i am so enthusiastic and i take so many initiatives. i am so cooperative and i care so much about involving everyone in everything. come let me help you! tease me if you want but it still means you are thinking and talking about me.

talking about the plethora of problems i have: check out the number of emails i answer, activities i am engaged in, issues i am struggling to solve. come hear me out, listen to me, don't tell me what to do - of course i know everything and i will not listen to you anyway and i will do what i think is right anyway. my boss, my boyfriend, my teammates, etc. but for now, i am a victim and you need to sympathise with me. console me because i wont admit to being sorry for myself but then you should because nobody else is busier or more haggard than me right now.

creating a sense of mystery around myself: you cant read my mind, i am a mystery - come feel attracted and curious about finding out more about me. i can surprise you any time, for example dressing up once in a while to show i can look good. but also to prove that i don't dress-up all the time because i don't care enough about it - maybe its just to hide that i am lazy - but still its all about getting people's attention. look at me. talk to me.

being involved in everything that's critical: i am concerned that you wont meet your targets. tell me what you are doing, even if i may not come up with any advice or suggestions. spend your time giving satisfactory answers to all the superficial issues i observe in your work after only taking a fleeting glance at it. ask me for help even if i may only point out problems rather than solutions. tell me what you are doing tonight - i am the social butterfly who gets invited everywhere and your party cannot not have me in there. but then i might say i am busy - ask me why?

turns out i seek attention too. or maybe the better way to put it is i like it when i get attention, but i don't like to admit it and i also don't like to admit that i don't like to be left out. but i cant be too much "not left out" either, soon enough it all starts bothering me - i don't know how to keep it within an acceptable level , so i just go back into my shell.

hmm guess its time for me to choose a side - isn't it?

reason vs. faith

lets consider two examples

astrology - how much is it a matter of reason? nothing really. i mean how can a set of planets sitting up there can do anything to influence your life. and all those fancy gadgets the so-called pandits make us wear, nothing but accessories right. its all a matter of faith, i say. the more exposure your skin has to the particular stone, the more effect it can have on the planet far above. the more you chant, the more rituals you perform, the more you can influence your future.

i don't agree. while nothing works without faith, reason is present everywhere too. its the positions of these planets which determines the influence they have on an individual's life. and the set of influences makes it unique, so even if two people share the same sun-signs, they can have absolutely different lives. further, there are hardcore calculations to determine the future positions of these planets and using that the influence can also be estimated. and if you explore with an open mind, you will find how close to accuracy these estimates can be. predictions makes it sound a bit fuzzy, so i use the word estimate.

now the other example:

financial valuations - there are very scientific methods of valuing companies. future cashflows discounted to today and based on a realistic growth expectation. the risk of course is again calculated with great precision, depending on the investor's profile, the geography, the industry, the product itself and the competition. there is the market risk, the beta and the company's risk itself. one can also do valuations by using various comparables (P/E, ROI, etc) from existing companies based on actual historical performances. not only can the financial aspects be valued with great degree of detail, but also, the strategic value can be measured so as to ascertain future performance.

i don't completely agree. risk can never be quantified completely. there will always be an element of unexpected occurrence, otherwise it wouldn't be called risk isn't it? growth can be aimed for, the achieved growth cannot always meet expectations. that's why they are expectations and not definite news. estimating the future based on historical performance is never going to be perfect either - trends repeat themselves, but events don't. you perceive a product, you expect a growth level, you hedge against a idea of risk without actually knowing it - its all a matter of what you believe is going to happen and how much you believe you can protect yourself from what you think will be bad for you.

it just struck me one day, that astrology is laughed upon by the majority while financial valuation is sought after by the majority. why is that? because of where it is being taught, and how much the job pays you? or is it because the people in the respective fields have created a certain aura about themselves, and the majority gets repelled by one, whereas it gets attracted to the other. but in the end, i think, they are both as much a function of reason, as much they are of faith.