languages

i have come to believe that learning languages requires a knack. either you are born with it or you are not. its a distinct ability, not just to understand the grammar but also to understand the thinking that goes behind.. almost like knowing how a language thinks..

i have had the opportunity to learn several languages apart from the ones that i am fluent in -bhojpuri which is a dialect of my native region, sanskrit which i studied for 7 years, marathi which was around me for 19 years, french which i learnt for 6 months, and now spanish which i have learnt slash has been around me for the last 16 months. and i have realised i dont have the knack for it. at the most i can entertain fluent speakers with my random ramblings - now thats a unique distinction too!

whereas i have only now begun to observe how people pick up new languages, check these out - oh i am brazilian but i studied german for 13 years, lived in columbia and US - so i am fluent in portugese, german, spanish and english. or i am french born and brought up in the US and lived in Spain for a year - so i speak french, english and spanish fluently. and i am teaching my 4 yr old son all these three languages. i am spanish but went to canada to experience a new culture. lived there for a year and am now fluent in spanish, english and french.. oh i am french and learnt italian when i was on bed rest for 3 months becauseof a fractured leg. so i am fluent in french, english and italian.

maybe they just surround themselves with the foreign language and force themselves to adapt to it, thus making it happened at a super fast rate. i did try that too. most recently i lived with two peruvian girls during the summer, so that i practice my spanish and dont forget what i learnt in the past year. but i guess they found my broken spanish funny only for the first few sentences. then they switched back to english. or maybe they just got bored of the muchisimo tiempo i took.. maybe its just me...

maybe its the difference that confidence makes. i have to frame the full sentence, the perfect tense, the perfect translation from english (yeah i have realised i think in english).. if i were to just force myself to speak spanish only, i would pick up the language's thinking.. its characteristics.. for example you will never say mi nombre es.. which is how it is in english. you will say instead me llamo.. so a direct translation would be wrong. and because i need to be wrong to get to thinking right, i will never cross that barrier. but i want to.. any suggestions?

empowerment by education

education empowers individuals. a firm belief and realization by observing how people around me have grown leaps and bounds by studying, making most of the available opportunities. but over the past few weeks, i also came across some other effects of education.

the best contraceptive is women's education - thats what my economics professor said in class. the context was that world population growth is declining. over the last 3-4 decades, 1 billion people were getting added each decade. but from 2000, it will take 20 years for the next addition of 1 billion people. why because people dont want to reproduce. out of the many quoted reasons, the simplest one is because babies are expensive over their lifetime. this even i realized after working on my wealth management project. if i have to raise two children and ensure good education for them, i have to earn a lot of money. lot more than what i would have earned if i were to become a social entrepreneur in an indian village. but thats for another post. coming back to women and education, apart from the prohibitive cost, women also are delaying reproduction. they have careers to take care of. if they take a maternity leave at such a crucial time, they will have to take a set-back in their career path. and they have landed on this juncture where they have to choose between career and children because of their education.

my dad calls it independence. i told him in a fit of emotion that i dont want to get married. and his response was that the fact i ensured you get good education has now turned back on me. i have given you the choice to make your life but i didnt know it would lead here that this thought of not marrying even crosses your mind. i probably have too many ambitions from life, what i would not have had if i didnt have this exposure, this education. and without the constraints that i do have, i would have probably gone on the route of indulgence, as an independent individual. his mom had a hectic career and as 5 brothers he remembers growing up among his brothers, each one taking care of the other. my mom probably wanted to be a teacher, but it never worked out for her. i have also heard of stories where husbands impregnate their wives just so that they are restricted at home . either they dont trust their wives, or are threatened by them in some way. so the easiest way to restrict their independence is to make them pregnant.

then also think about all those whose arrogance comes from the fact that they have studied at a certain university, scored a certain grade, mugged up and vomitted a certain number of pages. i recently came across an iit-iim guy who could not stop talking about how much he knew, how much he had travelled, how much he had worked, how many marks he had scored, how many interviews he had got. blah blah blah. i had an intellectual headache. same for all the super achieving consultants and bankers who did super important jobs straight after university, got into the best mba colleges in the world and got recruited by the best consultancies and banks yet again. i, me, myself and how much i earn. oh and also how useless and incompetent the rest of the world is. time for another intellectual aspirin.

but i am a firm believer in the empowerment that education brings. but for my education, i would not have even had the luxury of all this criticism based on a statement by my prof at this business school. and just to cit the other perspective, my other prof. ribera even thinks education is the best contraceptive in a good way. women particularly in rural areas suffer from having to give birth to too many children over their lifetime, and not being able to sustain too big a family. in poor households then, maybe education as a contraceptive helps them provide for their children in a better way. for example the awareness that too much of powder milk can dehydrate and even kill a baby. and that breast feeding delays childbirth. small things, but awareness as this goes a long way in balanced growth of a family. just as basic education goes a long way in securing healthy life, balanced diet, hygienic habits. what should children eat, how should they be protected from disease. even increased productivity. if a farmer were to know the importance of crop rotation because of education and not because of trial and error, just imagine how many seasons he would be able to salvage and actually make a positive income? take it one step further. if i can look for recipes and learn how to cook on youtube, a farmer can probably learn how to set-up a compost pit. or find out where to buy a cheap / second-hand generator from. one more step. if they have access to communication on internet and know the political developments, would they be fooled by vote-bank gimmicks so easily?

understanding perceptions

my american flatmate steve threw a thanksgiving party last night. it was an elaborate spread, predominantly traditional american thanksgiving dishes with a hint of international flavour here and there. i made apple pie. youtube is very resourceful when it comes to trying out new recipes, i usually research 4-5 methods of cooking and then consolidate all the nuances and tricks into my experiment. this time it was the second time i tried it. for me, apple pie is what i used to have at german bakery, it had raisins in it and cashew garnishing on top. for americans this brings forth a reaction,"what the hell is this! cashew sets my expectations to cashew pudding, but there is apple inside and raisins.. jeez!!" the funny part is when christian said all this to me, he didn't know i was the one who had made the pie, he did feel bad about being to harsh.. it was then that i realised how touchy people can be about traditions, particularly when it comes to americans and thanksgiving food.

earlier in the day we had a field visit in our management in service sector course. it was a trip to hotel arts which is a ritz carlton managed hotel. they took us around the entire place - from the fancy 3-bedroom apartments which are priced at 2500 euros a night to the housekeeping area where the little sachets of shampoo are stacked. my first reaction was that i don't belong here. i didn't want to touch anything, as if i was intruding on the perfection and immaculate setting. some of my classmates loved the atmosphere, they would enjoy trashing the place and then have it perfect again the next morning. as if little magical elves were at work during the night. the restaurant which had a concept woven in, but which to me looked like a bathroom. my more lasting reaction was - why are they doing this? wissam was amused i was questioning so much. i understand that they are showing us the luxurious setting because they anticipate future business from us, but the back-end operation? are they open to employing us? they do have a "we are ladies and gentlemen in the service of ladies and gentlemen" concept. empowering employees to feel respectful about their job, as much as they would respect their customers. but why would a team of 6 people spend an hour taking us bunch of casually dressed students around this super fancy hotel?

the previous day there was another interesting incident. my economics professor was saddened to note that for his son doing a noble deed was equivalent to sending food to africa. he went on to give us statistics of how less than 0.001 proportion of people in the continent were affected by poverty, hunger, war, crime and all the bad things. my take-away from this class was that the prof was trying to say that africa is not a pothole of hungry starving people. celebrities who show demonstrate their nobleness by helping africans only manage to show one side of the story. there are people who are suffering there, but there are also people who are studying, working and trying to improve their living conditions. if you go to africa, you wont find starving people everywhere, you will see roads, building and signs of growth. however another set of people like amy, dobo and basani were upset that the prof was implying that nothing is wrong, or that africa is not poor or that one should not send food to africa or aim to volunteer there.

in the end from the above examples, i am trying to question our perceptions. be it the apple pie, or the intention of the jordi from hotel arts, or amy who spent last 5 yrs helping poor children. how much of truth do we really know, and how much do we really understand what a different person thinks? when confronted with the unknown, what is our first reaction? do we seek the black or the white in a picture? remember the picture of a cow which children detect easily but adults don't... because as we grow up, we learn to focus on black? does it make us feel better about ourselves to go and serve in africa while ignoring the starving population of our own country? does it make us feel safe that we are able to detect some hidden motive of the hotel's team? does it make us secure that by not trying the raisin filled apple pie, we have preserved our tradition? who are we - and how much of it is perceptions?

collaboration

i had a discussion once with sam about what inspires her to succeed. what she said amounted to defeating people, and it left me unsettled. something felt wrong, what would she do if there was noone to defeat? then we had a discussion in my ethics class about competition vs. competence. being able to work on the basis of one's competence and not let competition be the motivating factor. that settled the question. and then i came across more live examples of this difference.

iese's case study method is all about collaboration. we study together, we learn from each other and we grow with each other now and over the years. thats what the value of this network is. its not just carrying wine bottles to casual gatherings, its about being able to trust people around you that they have the ability and willingness to help you in your trouble and that they will do it without expecting a payment.. its a good turn that will deserve a good turn in the future. i tried explaining the same to manu also. for him the whole point of studying is to be the top of his class. he doesnt want to help his classmates, because that may lead to them doing better than him. my parents would also question me when i helped my classmates, but for me it always benefited me too. the discussion helped me understand the concept better. and i tried telling my brother that if you help someone who genuinely needs help, you are helping the class move faster. coz if you dont help, then the student will ask the professor, which will then slow down the entire class. if the person doesn't need help and is just wasting everyone's time, even then by trying to help him you might be able to get him interested.

its also probably the same when it comes to relationships. its not you vs. me. its you and me. who is making the choice and who is adapting to the choice - thats not collaborating in a relationship. thats competing, comparing and that doesn't last long. i spoke to my mom and she tried to give me the black and white picture of women having to take care of the family or not being able to have one because they are too focused on their career. the man is the bread winner. but there is a grey area - where the man and the woman share - and the family is a result of this collaboration, a product of mutual understanding and a balancing act based on mutual strengths.

i have understood this value and have started collaborating for work, for dgdw, for my courses, for my business idea. there is this power of brainstorming with like minded people - intellectually and exposure-wise too. right now i cherish this in the iese envt. being surrounded by people who understand the way you think and even without you having to explain it all. and who help you think further by probing your thoughts in the right direction. this will soon go away, when its time to face the real world. right now is like a preparation time, to fine-tune your ability to collaborate with people and work on mutual strengths. true ability to lead is when you can identify people's interests and get them to leverage that. the time to face the real world will also be a time to ask yourself - am i ready to test it outside iese?

and the times are changing

i started this post two weeks, so its the date of two weeks ago that you will see. times have been changing for much ago and continue to do so.. i am only getting my head around it now.. it was probably the 12th of november 2010.

you know what a glass shattering moment is? when you suddenly see the truth of a situation which you have been living for a long time but never realised. its like the truth was just out of your glass bubble, just out of your sight. then a trigger shattered the bubble and you are out there in the open. your reflex is to defend yourself. but what you are defending against is a change that has already happened in the past. like falling out of love in the movie socha na tha. or waking up to find childhood likes outdated in the movie 13 going on 30.

after the defensive reaction you start to accept the truth. it hurts. you oscillate between being in denial to finding justification. why this happened, why i didnt see it coming, why i didnt realise earlier, why it became to late to amend, why nothing can be done no more. why. why. why. just like learning the 5-why framework in your strategy class, at times like these also, finding answers to these whys should solve the problem. it doesnt because we get emotional about it. so we find other defence mechanisms. we talk to people, we do roleplays, we get into political correctness and analysis. we also get into blaming, bitterness and finding faults.

and then we find more constructive ways. like making other drastic changes. surround yourself with so many changes that all you are able to do is cope with change. no more refuge of a comfort zone. people will judge this way or that, might as well let them. stop drinking maybe. then you take one more step and start doing something new. take the change to a whole new level. learn playing the guitar. maybe. yes.

the final step is to close the attachments in the past. full closure. takes time, and right now i am yet to reach that stage. maybe start with folding photos and words. dont fight them, they are memories and in the past. they need to be preserved but not displayed in the present anymore. time will heal and when talking about them doesnt hurt anymore, then you know its done.

DGDW update

been an interesting ride so far. 3 keynote speakers, 45 panel speakers confirmations, and more partnerships than before. iese's support in terms of faculty, advisors, administration and media, and even reaching out to Phd and GEMBA students, we have come a long way. from last year when i heard about responsible business and social entrepreneurship for the first time, today i understand what it means and have begun to interact with people from this sector. exploring what inspires people and how wonderful experiences are created from a germ of an idea.

dgdw for me has also been about learning to work with people. managing commitments, my own and of the team members, empathising and learning to leverage every individual's working style. like Ana points out to me, the key is to understand how and why a person behaves in the particular situation, in the particular way that he does. not how and why i would behave in that particular situation. from small things like being prompt on at least reading emails, or larger things to honouring commitments. not to be taken advantage of. what i dislike the most is when people try to manipulate, without having the courage to say it on the face. and then what i tell her, to be flexible, to try and figure out a best solution rather than getting worked up about how things are not working. balancing out extreme scenarios and working on a middle path. partnering with people and taking the risk. then there are difficult decisions to take - if someone is not working, how to tell motivate him to work. if i cant motivate him, confront him. if i cant confront him, i find a way of getting the work done. there is one difference - that of a formal authority. no matter the responsibility i have taken, i am still a peer. and when the volunteer has signed up, i do have the authority, but i cant use the appraisal mechanism to get him to work when the motivation doesn't work. somewhere its my fault too, that i do not have as much authority which would make him listen to me. but oh well.

and then you see the world through a different glass. who you are compatible with, who you are not. what inspires people and what makes them expect things. how you can limit your responsibility and involvement, but then at the last minute if things dont work, you know you wil step in to control things. sometimes, people leave responsibilities on you anyway, and expect you to commit by virtue of having been granted a responsibility. and you take it even when you know that in a vice versa scenario, they will not do the same. but you behaving like them to show them how they behave, has never solved the situation or conveyed the message.. has it? you rather go about your way of doing things and letting the evaluations for the one above.

in the end the t account gets squared anyway.. and things move on. life as i see it now, has just begun and the corporate world will play out this drama on a bigger and better scale. contribution, responsibility and credit aren't necessarily correlated, but then neither is satisfaction. you decide your own levels and move on. in the end its all transitory anyway. enjoy the action while it lasts.

"Stupid is as stupid does"

last year we had an accounting case on profitability of Forrest Gump and i didnt have the guts to admit in class that i had never watched this movie. when i did finally watch it 2 days ago, it couldn't have been a better time, i was pulling myself up - stress, lack of iron in my body, managing team mates, getting work done.. it is a story that transforms stupidity into simplicity, how you can be stupid, simple and yet be successful and that too in the true meaning of success.

It confirmed my belief in that things happen for a reason. there is a story that i always remember and have told Wiss and now Jo - the king's story. There was a king whose minister always told him, what happens, happens for the best. once the king accidentally cut his thumb. the minister repeated his mantra and this upset the king so much that he was put in jail. then the king went hunting and got separated from his guards. a tribal group kidnapped him and decided to sacrifice him in order of their goddess. then they noticed his missing thumb and released him because he was not fit for the offering. the king came back and went to talk to his minister. he said, " you were right, my missing thumb saved my life. but how was putting you in jail good for you?" the minister said, "if not, I would have gone hunting with you, and got sacrificed in your places instead."

"I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both."

sometimes you need to let things happen and wait for the outcome. you do what you gotta do. and it helps you believe in the outcome, and have a positive approach to dealing with any circumstances. i do believe in destiny but i also believe that we have an equally important role in forming our destiny. just like forrest gump says. also like the lines on our palms, they do tell the story of our life, but the lines change, and so does our destiny based on our actions. thats why i like the way Alice's character has been explained in the Twilight series. She only sees the future when a decision has been made by the person, or the vampire in this case.

"I am tired. I am going home now."

sometime i cut things down to the bare truth and decide what to do next. simple and short term. and then at other times, i make a choice to venture into the unknown. i would like to believe that i am careful, but many people think i am reckless. like my couch surfing experience. i believed that something good will come out of it, and if not then it is a learning i am destined to get. i still got a learning and i still believe i would do it again. if my daughter asks my permission, i would have to let her decide, coz it is her choice. take the barcelona family, for example. first time out of my country, i went with this family that i didnt know, to their home, gave them my personal information, ate with them and let them instruct the bus driver to take me to my place. i believed in them, and in their goodness. then in srinagar, that guy who took us from the outskirts of the city on a rainy night to his brother's houseboat, gave us the best of food and travel options, and took care of us.

i am not saying i dont take precautions, but i am also saying that i let things take their course. i am an instrument for letting things happen, and i am here to learn. thats my motto.

theek hai

i met a german friend's german friend last night who has worked in india this year from feb to sep. i asked him if he had picked up any hindi and he said he has learnt "theek hai". silly as it might sound, theek hai is right up there on the top of the list when it comes to typical indian things. my brazilian flatmate gui brought it to my notice first of all. there are some soap operas featured in brazil where they demonstrate indianness. his most vivid memory is theek hai and arranged marriages and he asked me what was the significance of this term. so i tried to think by saying it myself and he immediately reacted, "you did the indian head wiggle!" so apparently when we say theek hai, we automatically nod our head sideways. non-indians dont understand why these two go together, why a sideways nod is supposed to mean what a nod means and they can never do it both together. with one exception. elie, a mexican lebanese classmate - started with teasing us and now even in class he says yes with a sideways nod.

another classmate - mexican - gonzalo was in india for the first time this summer for a wedding and he pointed out theek hai, beedi, awesome food and crazy traffic. tariq - saudi arabian - who makes fund of everything, likes to feature an educational video about how and why indians use our left hand in the cafeteria. arranged marriage one of the biggest puzzles that people are fascinated with. how can you spend your life with someone whom you have only met for a few hours? how can your parents be so involved in who you are going to spend your life with? how do you search? what about caste system? what about matrimonial websites? how about the meeting between prospects? and then the celebrations itself. why do indian weddings take 7 days? why are there so many people, colours, ceremonies, hours, dresses, sweets, decorations, blah blah blah. i have had intense discussions with ana and melih trying to tell them why its not so different than finding someone yourself and why we trust our parents to do as good a job as ourselves. we made a spoof of the whole concept for our diwali night celebration. complete with dialogues like: "beta sari zinadagi padi hai usko janne ke liye", "US mein naukri karta hai, intelligent hai, chess khelta hai, sporty hai" etc etc. and we didnt miss the every 5 min breaking into a dance ala bollywood movies. the crowd of 170 people couldnt stop laughing.

other things for which i have had the pleasure to note a non-indian's reaction, there is the rangoli, dandiya, diya dance, colourful glittering clothes, spicy food, high intake of milk and yogurt and limited capacity for beer. can you imagine how happy one feels to listen to a hindi song in a european bar, or club? or to just sit back and listen to classic hit songs - jagjit singh, ghulam ali, nusrat fateh ali khan and so on.. then the hindi language itself. once manhar and i had a discussion of why its difficult to teach the script. for example, take the range of nasal sounds - anusvar, chandra bindu, - and the rules regarding where to use what. was fun and i even had the pleasure witnessing his literary genius. leaving you to enjoy it here - thanks to manhar's friend who works in a telecom company in afghanistan and at some point of time took the effort record photonic ramblings..

http://www.cypherpunk.blogspot.com/2003_01_26_cypherpunk_archive.html

Guilty Pleasures

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror

And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer

But my breath fogged up the glass

And so i drew a new face and i laughed

it made me laugh too. this is one of the verses from the song "I'm yours" by Jason Mraz. Its a very catchy and happy tune, played on the guitar.. you listen to it and suddenly your heading is bobbing one side to the other, you are humming it yourself and you have a smile on your face. the song stayed in my head after a night's sleep and since i am very bad at understanding the accent i didn't know the words only the tune. and then when i started feeling guilty about not even knowing the lyrics, i spent the afternoon with this song on repeat mode till i am sure my housemates had had enough of it.

that reminds me. they gave me this song. so the scene plays out like this. i walk in from my sweaty exhausting Bikram Yoga workout ready to gobble down any food i can lay my eyes / hands on. the guys are watching fight-club on tv (not the movie) where the participants are enticing people to come and watch them, with this tune playing in the background. sweet happy tune not at all like the kicks they were landing on their opponents necks. i know i have heard it somewhere, i wonder aloud. and one of my housemates admits its his guilty pleasure. that led to a night of guilty pleasure songs being queued up on youtube. but that came later. i was curious about this concept of guilty pleasure. so they say coz its a cheesy song. now i am curious whats cheesy. so urbandictionary.com told us Celine Dion is cheesy. why because she has a fake emotions in her song, the lyrics don't evoke a softness in your heart, they make you go urgh with too much mellowness that doesn't seem genuine. fair enough. i didn't admit i only know 2 of her songs, both of which i like a lot. (aah - now i have my guilty pleasure too - i have been trying since then to find mine!)

so anyway. guilty pleasure is in this case a song that you like, coz it makes you feel happy, you find the tune very hummable, and yet admitting this would be embarrassing. i wonder since when did it become embarrassing to admit i am happy. oh no, its because you are not supposed to feel happy about that particular song, coz no one else does. oh! now i get it. so a supposedly cheesy song, which makes you feel happy but not everyone else is guilty pleasure. forget it - too complicated. we like something or we don't like something. but more than that we care about what people perceive us as based on our likes or dislikes. and didn't i just admit that i was embarrassed to admit i like Celine's songs?

its a pity we live our lives choosing our likes and dislikes based on others approval. what if each one of us is doing that? what if this song is a guilty pleasure of a lot of us? at least there are some people in amsterdam who dare to attend Jason's live concert and sing this song aloud with him. keep making those songs dude! way to go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnMs4_e06DY&NR=1

means of communication

sometimes i wonder which one i use more - a smile or a smiley. a hug or a ping. handwriting or typewriting.

living in the age that we are in, means of communication are probably the biggest change we have seen. radio, tv, internet, i-gadgets, blackberry and even electronic books. in my personal life, too i communicate more on the internet than in person. blogging, skyping, chatting, emailing, researching and then the various means of staying connected - facebooking, watching online tv shows and movies, picasa which is safekeeping memories - travelling, my niece's various growing up expressions.

its good in many ways. my life is being recorded online. and this data is not going to be erased. every event in my life is captured in various tags all over facebook. in the emails i send out everyday. in the conversations i have with my mom. so she notices how i look like her when i don't tie up my hair. or when i can see dad hugging my niece and pampering her just like i have seen him do that to us in our childhood photographs. in the pseudo-intellectual arguments i have with my brother about growing up, about competing, about learning, about girlfriends and boyfriends. and when i criticize my sister's girlish behaviour, even though now she is a mother of a baby girl. or when i am clinical about my boyfriend's confusions. when i keep in touch with my friends who are falling in love, getting married, breaking up, raising children - the whole cycle of life. keeping in touch with whats going on in the world. pictures, articles, news, different countries, all together. on one screen. my housemate has a kindle. so reading books before going to sleep, or preparing case interview preparation guides, its like a little prayer book he always keeps with him. i am also waiting for the next improvised i-pad or its cousin which is less cumbersome and not as expensive.

and then its fast becoming a necessity - as i realised on Friday when i forgot my blackberry at home, 3 hours without access to email made me miss 3 appointments and delayed the progress on 2 assignments. the speed with which i can respond to an email and how long it can go to maintain a working relationship or impress a client. i put everything down as an appointment or a to-do item on my calendar which beeps to remind me where i have to be and when, with sufficient buffer. so much so that first thing i do in the morning when i wakeup is check my phone. first thing i think of when i want to express my thoughts is to put it as a status message. even though i am now struggling with my loyalty to facebook in light of what kind of person Mark Zuckerberg is. but online social network is still an integral part of my life to stay connected.

my family is increasingly getting tech-savvy too. my parents have email, facebook, skype and picasa accounts. and my niece recognizes me on skype more than in a picture. wonder how it will be in the future. for started probably i will have to skype with here first even when i meet her in person. :) i am smiling :)

the summer that was

mba is a choice that i made. and a choice the repercussions of which i could not have imagined. coming out of my egg-shell as mom says. i started with 2 loans and now i have a job with which i can pay it back. and in this story, my summer experience was the turning point.

life is not about what you study. but about the people around you. in an organization, they have coined a new term - Organization quotient - how well you can make and nurture relationships to get things done. no matter how smart your strategy might be, how perfectly fitting into the framework you learnt in your corporate strategy class. but if you cant explain it to your colleagues irrespective of their background, you cant execute any of your smart plans.

and outside organisations its the people you live with. your family, your loved ones, your friends and companions. and then the people you meet in the journey of life. they will teach you a lesson or two out of their experiences, or they might just teach you to trust human beings. again.

the french psychiatrist who wants to lead a fulfilling life after seeing her parents strive after wealth during her growing up years. the italian diabetic patient or bridge consultant whose life revolves around making couch surfing a safe and reliable community. the canadian sicilian who cannot overcome his daughters' will. what you gonna do he would say often. and then the many egyptian, spanish, italian, pakistani, who would try to find a sign of familiarity in your face, seeking someone from their culture, their land.

teaching things like how applying vaseline under your eyes after washing off make-up reduces wrinkles and doesn't let you age. like how career-oriented women struggle with the decision and then the responsibility of motherhood. to what do they owe their life to - justifying the education they have received or justifying that they have the power and hence the responsibility to bring in and nurture life into this world.

or mundane things like how tv is an addiction. and even though now you may not care about or have time for watching tv, there was a time when you would fight with your siblings for control of the remote. but then again, now everything is online, so effectively you have your own personal all night tv. and you can sleep at 4 am and still go to work at 8 am. or the fact that shopping makes you fight off a depressing mood. plus later on, the giant wardrobe which refuses to fit into your luggage is a big eye opener. how one tried to settle down in one place, no matter how fleeting his stay might be. the desire for a tether. what do we seek? the limitations nature of a tether or the discipline of a home? maybe both. those who go across seas looking for new homes, new people - they start with travelling light. replacing something when its not useful anymore, not adding anymore space or any more stuff. but gradually they become one of that place. still different but never the same. not when they stop travelling. life goes on, while we choose to stop. i will find that out too...

coming back

one day i sat with Sam cleaning up and organising her jewellery and make-up. and it felt like years ago when did and i would sit and go over our wealth of colourful earrings, pendants, rings, bracelets and what not. quarrelling, organising, spending hours just admiring our collection. of course we would end wanting to wear the same stuff on the same night, and with that came the bargains. those were good olds days. and coming back to today, that was what home was all about. sharing, fighting, talking, cleaning, and then of course covering up for each other. that day as i sat arranging the earrings, listening to old hindi film songs in good old moh.d rafi's voice, i realised i was homesick. first time that it hit me.

after i moved out of nagpur, i was very busyasserting my independence. my choice. my freedom to do things when and how i wanted. i lived with people, but i was answerable to myself. only. in pune, i eventually lived alone and loved it. i even got a pet, and my choice of pet was a fish. perfectly represented my frame of mind then. it was a fighter. beautiful, colourful and small, lived by itself, you put it with other fish and it would fight them till one of them died. and you never had to take too much care of it. feed it once a day and it didnt like too much meddling and cleaning of its bowl. leave me alone. i am independent.

then i moved to barcelona. to make friends. i did make them, but the number was not as much as i had imagined. the first year was hectic and passed away in a whizz. from 10 stereotypes in my mind, i moved to a 100, but still stereotypes. still independent. then i moved to london. and all of a sudden, my housemates were independent and yet spent quality time together. the balance struck me as so wonderful, that i was instantly hooked. i never knew this could be done before. i mean when you were not working or studying, didnt you end up spending all your time with someone or all your time alone? no. that was the key to balance. but london still lacked something. some warmth. was it too big a city? was it not clean enough?

i spent the next three weeks in greece and italy. different people, different places, different food. even had a routine where i probably did the most introspection i have ever done. that explains the lack of blogs in this duration. and then i came back to barcelona.

clean. neat. well lit. spacious. warm people. more than anything, familiarity. i stepped out of the airport, and i felt like i had come back home. and since i had left india, i had not come back to a familiar place. it had just been going on to more of new places. and thats when the homesickness started taking hold. now that i have tickets to india, i am looking forward to going back to another familiar place. the original home. dont worry, my adventure isnt over yet, it will continue even in india. i will go to places i haven't visited in india before. but then i will have found the balance between adventure and familiar. between independence and attachment.

the VISA story

how we forget even the hardest of times once they are over.. we don't capture learnings, don't convey them to the next bunch of people who will be facing the same questions as well as we should.. no wonder history repeats itself and the wheel gets reinvented. so here i am recording my experience of moving to barcelona, as much as i can remember..

my visa story started in may when i began to look for the various details. money, police clearance certificate, air ticket, apostille, etc. it seemed it was going to take a lot of time. and it did. the best part is when i can do the things myself at my pace. book my ticket - check. get my medical checkup and report - check. even go to mumbai and pay for the apostill to be received from delhi and submitted to embassy on my behalf - check. spend 4 hours on a rainy water-clogged day in mumbai trying desperately to reach the embassy to get a photo colour copy of the passport for some reason i cant remember now. i reached after it had closed for public. but the security guard was also from pune and he let me get the colour copy. i think i needed it for my pnb loan.

but then the problem begins. financing - run around banks to get certifications, account statements. talk to babus and babis at PNB who are probably having a hard day and decide to take it out on you by not doing even what's in their job purview. the papaerwork just balloons up. and it doesn't help if you are in pune, you parents are in bilaspur and your financial assets are in nagpur. not to forget that you are trying to get a loan on a collateral in varanasi, through the varanasi branch office. well at least those guys didnt have a hard time on they days dad and i met them. they did have difficult days when they had to issue the reimbursements. but coming back to the visa first. so the financial documents were proceeding at their pace, classic of operations management study from my perspective now, then it was just plain lack of coordination. and of course the PCC took the cake.

i first went to get the migration clearance stamp on the passport. little did i know that i could have applied for the pcc on the same day. it could be said that i wasn't asking the right people, or searching the right websites or going to the right information office, but it can be said that it was my fault from the very beginning. and going to the passport office meant, working out of office - so permission required from my boss. borrowing my landlord's vehicle. taking a couple of working hours off and riding all the way to the office. standing in queue for an hour at least. coming back another day in the evening to collect the same. which again meant working another day from office and borrowing the vehicle. and then realising that i would have to do this all again. well so be it. what has to be done has to be done. but it isnt so simple anymore. my application will now do the rounds of the respective police stations where i have lived in the past two years (or was it 5? no probably 2 because i didnt have to "appease" police officers in nagpur), then come back to pune passport office, stamped and be ready for issuance. and now comes the clincher. i only had 2 weeks to do this. or my visa submission, receipt, going to nagpur - packing, staying with parents in bilaspur and flying from mumbai would have gone astray. so the key was to know the right person for pushing ahead my application fast enough. you know what that means right? but it doesn't end here. i lost my temper with the passport officer. i spent a day with hitesh going round multiple police stations trying to track the flow of application only to find that my application had not yet arrived. then going with abhijit to my locality police station, where the man was a gentleman enough to not ask for appeasement in front of a woman. appeasing him, in conjunction with his cordial ways. contacting a politician to pull some strings so that the clogged wheels of my application could finally be oiled and put into action. you cant believe how euphoric i was when i had the application in my hands.

the end of my visa story was just as interesting. i had a train to catch at 7.10 am to reach mumbai from pune and collect my visa. my house was a 10 min ride from the station. and i started looking for an auto at 6.45 am. mind you it was a working day which meant i had my boss giving me the permission again. and then there was no auto to be found at all, and i would not reach in time if i walked all the way. then a safari stopped ahead of me, reversed till where i was walking, the window rolled down and the guy asked me where do you want to go? i noticed you are looking for an auto, and it seems urgent. i am going to the gym and can drop you further ahead. he did drop me all the way to the station, instead of taking the vehicle entrance, i got off at the pedestrian entrance which was on his way itself. i stepped into the train and it started moving. it also turned out that his family was also going to collect their visa later on in the day.

and the rest was history. i kept falling into trouble many times and kept meeting people all along my way who helped me just that one bit to get things going again. to all those good samaritans - keep up the good work! i hope i can pass on this good work too...

For details about the Spanish Visa / Schengen visa go to -

IVS VISA Application Center for Spain, Mumbai: http://www.ivs-spainvisa.com/mum-requireddocs.htm#Residence Visas for Studies (More Than 90 Days)

self appraisal

coming a long way, i have seen a few takes on appraisal. from the internship with ramakrishna - when his accountant said he helped do the appraisal and i thought it was a financial record to the range of appraisals i have had in Capgemini. abhijit sayankar & atul kaulgud who gave me a 3 for being not good not bad. deepak pamnani who said he would have given me a 5 just for the motivation i showed. uma who was relieved that i gave myself a 3 and that she wouldn't have to struggle trying to bring down my rating. aditya who gave me a 1 and a promotion despite knowing that i was going to resign in 3 months, even though i thought he never acknowledged my work during the year. i would blow my fuse coming back home or crib about how i couldn't say no to him. and now martin, who taught me how important it was to accurately evaluate myself, to be grounded but not to overlook the good work that i had done. not being too hard on myself, but appreciating the good things and that its only human to make mistakes. like dipti would be too hard on herself, for her naivety in the past. but then as rafael nadal says, refusing to forgive your own mistakes is another sign of arrogance. of believing that you are beyond making mistakes. so take a step back into humility and take refuge in forgiveness.

and the most recent lesson about self appraisal is on the personal front. i have learnt about myself is how unemotional i can get, thinking its being strong. but its just turning a blind eye to that core which needs affection, for the fear that i would not be able to find that affection. in me for myself, or around me.

i came home feeling very restless, feeling lonely, missing all my family and friends. it struck me that right now if something happened to me, if i jumped in front of a train, noone would come looking for me until it was too late. if i decided to go sit by the river, feeling miserable and lost about work, just like abhijit used to, no mehul would come looking for me, ready to just sit and listen. mehul knew where to find abhijit, but here noone would.

then i had an icecream, pulled myself up and decided to watch "the rebound" to distract myself. cute little complicated story, about friends advising each other, about good and bad things, about going fast or taking it slow. about exploring the world, about letting life lead you on, rather than you planning little mazes around years. and the non-ending about growing up and growing affectionate left me with a smile. everything has a time, now is the time for me to go out in the world, to explore, to find the me that i have always been wanting to look for. and to make more friends at every phase. to learn to attach, when i get home, i call out "i am home!" and have a little chat about the day.. know who is doing what, to keep in the loop rather than engaging in the formality of respecting everyone's privacy. have some adventure, and build that appreciation for human relations. of friendships. coz they will come looking for me. just like i will go looking for them. friendship doesnt need privacy, it finds its own balance. and isnt that what we are all always looking for? balance?

travelling bug

money can do wonders. i always thought financial independence would be the key to real freedom, to be able to do that i wanted. but never had i realised it until now. i dont have a lot of money, but i can fend for myself. start ticking things off my bucket list, and the foremost is travelling.

i used to always wonder if i were a sea person or a mountain person. i hadn't been around either enough to decide that. but now i know i am a wind person. as long as there is wind, i am happy to be on any nature of land. be it the bone freezing wind that races past your chin when you ski, or the hair tousling water splashing wind when you sail. the over whelming stretches of white snow underneath your feet, spreading out in front of you as far as you can see, or the heaving body of heavy molasses like water that sea is. choppy they call it, but to me it just plain power. nature's might. or cool refresihng breeze when you cycle down the cliff, blue water on one side, green fields on the other and blue sky above. you could be flying. or snaking down the criss cross of highways or train tracks, safely behind a glass screen, but still awe struck by the colours of nature. of course in the latter case, the wind doesn't touch you, but you do get the point.

windsor, brighton, newcastle and cowes. this is just in the summer in london. as compared to the one year in barcelona when i went around andalucia, basq country, costa brava and leida. so far my choices have been quite partial to nature but then i am already making plans for the summer travel, and the tickets can be maddeningly and confusingly cheap.. hurry before offers close! so far i have managed to add abit of civilization element to the travel plan thats taking shape in my mind. summer in italy, cradel of civilization in greece and just plain european vanity in france. maybe switzerland is a better choice for trip with family. anf germany and nordics can wait for the next break. and one day, i will go around india. the real india, allowing it to overwhlem me, taking it all in with a fresh perspective. south america, japan, china,, and maybe even the US eventually.. quite a few destinations there, only so many years i have, need to make the most of it...!

till then, its gonna be movies, catching up big time, places and people.. preparing for the journey.. and in between when i find time, i work to prepare the finances :)

the world of art

the first few weeks in london, i was taking in the commercial success, the touristy sights, and the changing weather. gradually the cliched notions about karan johar deriving the inspiration of his next story and the range of arty posters along the escalators in the tube stations began to catch my attention. what was it about london that was so vibrant? london and new york - the twin capitals of the world - what was it that i was missing here?

and then i started taking it in. one day randomly out of office we landed up at a jamaican poetry recital. 4 poets, equally quirky, but what entertainment. below the words and the performance, there were the pangs of migration, of black versus white, of generation gap coming out of being raised in different cultures. children's poems about how a grandma wouldnt let a child take a meagerly sandwich in his picnic lunch box, but packed him a sumptous meal instead. or the one where the poet played the flute and sang a very unusual moving song about that felt like unrequited love. or the one about the power and might of a carribean woman.. i was soaking up a new language, a new culture.. then another day i caught a photo exhibition on urban africa. each country and capital meticulously detailed out in its architectural evolution. and right next door an amazing display of innovations to make resources more sustainable, right from Puma's clever little bag to the Spanish ecohub, i cudnt stop taking pictures even with my awful camera..

and then the streets itself. each area has its signature style, be it the office going suit clad guy running down an escalator, or the andheri like shopkeepers in whitechapel, women in make up and short dresses, or artistic groups gathering together for artistic inspirations in workshops and museums.. i happened to watch vicky christina barcelona in the midst of this all, and the sheer freedom of thought amazed me.. call it artistic talent or eccentricity, there is an undercurrent in this city that has that element in it.. and thats excites me! i wonder if people who grew up here, realise this or maybe its never been new for them.. ? i continue to figure it out..

Gift List

everytime i get a first salary, i like to get little souvenirs for my loved ones. i have had the honour of having more than one first salaries so far, but my parents are one step ahead. they always have the same response. yahan sab kuch milta hai. we get everything we want here. right from the shirts i gifted dad that he would criticise for the wrong collar shape or the cheap price tag, to the big jewelled earring that was too heavy for my mom's ear lobes. to the french manicure kit that i got for didi which she says would be too tedious to use. my brother is "too proud" (his words) to ask me for anything except when it comes to a beatles t-shirt or a butter chicken treat. to mehul, who always asks for "a gift-wrapped me". but i am getting better at this. i have decided to give them memories rather than useful gifts. that they can't buy in the supermarket. and now comes the best part. i still technically spend the money on myself for buying that camera, but its the best gift i can give them. photographs.

its true that london has amazing things. things of convenience. but its more in the system rather than an item that you can gift to someone in india. starting with the transport system that helps you stop nagging with auto rickshaw fellows, dish washing, laundry machine monsters, or even well-behaved professional house help that helps you stop nagging with the classic indian maid. the one who would have to take leaves when her husband beats her up, or she has to make arrangements for the endless list of family and festivals. grocery although not fresh, but still the range available and easy to use when you don't have your mom at home. the forgotten assumed guarantee of electricity, water, gas and internet. cold weather and absence of dust that doesn't make you feel dirty and smelly when you come from outside. food doesn't go bad if left out overnight, there is not problem of not being able to store milk because you don't have a fridge like back in koregaon park. pedestrian is king of the street, never mind a super swanky porsche carrera racing towards you. and the sheer range of body care products, bodyshop - foot odour removing cream, cocoa butter cream and what not. its better in london, in barcelona i first used the shower gel thinking it was body lotion. :)

but coming back from the digression, these are things that are more about the life here, the life of convenience. what has been built over ages of fighting the harsh weather conditions, and bringing a discipline into people's lives to help them succeed. so for now i just focus all my gift funds on getting that awesome camera and sending back amazing pictures home. world here i come.

a problem of expectations

vs. ambitions. who am i? what is my value as an mba? what should my level of expectations vs. my level of ambition be? who decides it?

i was on riding high on a wave of solving case studies in class, as part of discussions aided by colleagues and professors. people who had a matching mental frequency, who understood a common language as well as a common jargon. intelligent jargon, and yet just a smart packaging of common sense. i remember the last argument i had with my team. i had proposed a solution based on best practices followed in other industries, and they thought talking about this would be equivalent to bullshit because it was just plain common sense. which company would not already know that? but that company didnt, it had forgotten the benefit of applying that particular common sense. so riding on that wave of business understanding, i was looking forward to my internship. socha tha sab mba honge, iese ko pehchanenge, wah kya discussions honge, but nahi.. it is a mixed world, the real world, and i am coming back to the real world. politics, mediocracy, defensiveness, resistance to change, lack of efficient processes, complicated people management.. and my mba dream is demystifying. wasn't it magical how common sense could be packaged into frameworks - but to implement it is another ball game. if only everyone had the wisdom to uncrack this magic, no frameworks would be required anyway.

but again, where do i draw the line? what is the set of tasks, that i am not supposed to work on? what can i expect out of an internship except to get a full-time offer? and what is the great achievement i have done by finishing first yr mba? what have i learnt so far? when will i apply it? how do my friends and ex colleagues see me as? how do my manager and my team see me as?

i realize i have changed - is this the bane of being ambitious? then again, isn't it be better to create an opportunity out of every situation that i am in? if nothing is perfect, there will always be scope for improvement, and i still have the freedom of choosing the technique for improvement..

on an ending note.. what do i expect out of my personal life? how many hours is ideal to work on a daily basis? how can i ensure that i can prepare and eat rotis everyday when i get back home? how can i start thinking about settling down? is it too early, do i have ambitions to chase? or do i want a house, with plants, a pet and someday a family.. this scene from "Batman begins" refuses to leave my mind - the last scene where Bruce Wayne finds his childhood toy stethoscope among the ashes of his burnt ancestral home, and is thinking of building it back brick by brick to how it used to be. when will i find a new home for my childhood treasures? is that expecting too much and too soon?

all about cleanliness?

apologize at the foremost, coz this post is gross. but i need to vent out my annoyance!!!

so its about bathroom cleanliness. and feel free to stop reading from now on. i have always been a cleanliness freak, and particularly when it comes to the bathroom. the drainhole, the water closet, the washbasin has to be kept clean. and i dont consider this wastage of water, its for good use, for the larger cause of being healthy. i admit to lapses in this attitude too, but those are rare occurances.

mom was the forebearer of this attitude at home, so i dont ever remembered bothering about it. but pune brought out the cleanliness freak in me. irrevocably.

now my problem is with some people not flushing the toilet after using it. and this is as discreet as i can get. over the last one year, i have been puzzled by this behaviour, but i can't think of a strong enough reason. after moving to london, i thought things will go back to normal. i have my own bathroom, and no sharing means no interferences either. the problem started when the drainhole was clogged. its disgusting really. unlike in my previous home, there is no plunger here either. so i went to the extent of getting a 500ml cleaning liquid, happily walking home thinking how clean my bathroom is going to be. and then as i am gearing up to pour "Mr.Muscle" down the drain, i notice something. its almost as if the water closet is screaming, "i was not flushed". and that was it. i have decided i am going to investigate this and bring the perpitrator to justice. enough is enough.

and finally, internet helps me vent out my frustration. first coz i am not the only one in this world suffering from this frustration. and yahoo gives me quite a few perspectives (link below) on why this would be a not very rare phenomenon. but also, i am able to vent it out on my blog. no hard feelings, and on my side there aren't anymore either.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090916132657AAwAaGO

Forgiveness

i first heard this song at the suggestion of a friend. it is a beautiful song by Eagles, you need to search by the name 'the heart of the matter'.. talks about forgiveness in love, in life.. i remembered this song when i was looking through my personality assessment report. it put forgiveness as one of my weaknesses, and honestly, i had a mixed reaction. i know i dont forgive easily, unless i.e. if i forget, and in a way i have taken it as a symbol of strength and self preservation. but the assignment in my ethics course (which was to follow the personality assessment) got me thinking about it again.

am i like the protagonist of "devil wears prada" who smiles back at her colleague, even she is less qualified and more nasty? or am i like the protagonist of "devil wears prada" who throws the mobile off into the fountain just after her devil of a boss has expressedthat she is now ready to evolve and reach her boss's heights.. maybe both, maybe neither.. i like to be a good person, and so does everyone. i don't like to be taken for a ride, adn i certainly don't entertain nonsensical behaviour. if it doesnt make sense, it doesnt. but there are exceptions for people who are genuine, for people i like..

but pressing issue about forgiveness is to not get into a tit for tat game. someone hurts you, but you dont have to behave like him to make him realise how bad it felt. coz then there is no difference between you and him, and you fall into a vicious circle of each trying to demonstrate the other faults. like i said earlier, you are just relegated to a mirror of faults.

and the key solution is to realise that everything is not meant to revolve around you.. its not meant to hurt you, its just meant to be and in the process it happened to hurt you. so you let it happen its way and you go your way. if it hurts you, you let it go and start afresh. without having to forget, you are forgiving. letting go of the knot for more yarn to come in.. and maybe the knot will dissolve on its own sometime unexpectedly soon..

and so i landed in london

I land in london, quite an uneventful flight except that i slept through breakfast. and then almost had a heart attack when i couldn't find my bags for an hour.. but reached all right and settled in fine. office is nice, team is good, work is interesting, have been picking up well so far. and then...

B****** k*.. kya ho gaya agar (some business terminology). Kya kar lenge.. m* ch********?? It was like I had been electrocuted. I am in citi alright, or am I watching an Omkara-type profanity-filled movie again? I looked around for the source of this barrage, and discovered it was the senior guy’s cabin in front of my desk. he probably didnt realise there was an indian intern right there.. there was a storm of mixed emotions building up in my head, shock, amazement, disbelief and surprisingly (but then maybe not) relief..

This was probably the final missing piece in my jigsaw, of why this place seemed so familiar. Right from cubicle arrangement of desks furnished with desktops, extension lines, and 3 drawers on the side to the coffee vending machine in the pantry area and the broader cafeteria. You catch Aishwarya Rai gossip on the common TV in the breakfast zone, you find people sorting personal issues over the company extensions, heads glued to their monitors so that you may rarely see their faces, and not to forget the team wide lunches and meetings enjoying dairymilk chocolate. Of course this place goes beyond all this, a book club within the pantry area, tastier vegetarian options, taller and fancier buildings, suit clad men and women and last but not the least the sprawling city outside. But I feel at home. Only the content of the documentation reminds me that this is another time, but otherwise I feel I have been here for a long time.

London hasn’t even begun to amaze me yet. So far I have just got my phone and grocery fixed, my accommodation is really homey thanks to the kind LBS students. And Sherlock holmes is nearby to revive a childlike enthusiasm in me. The weather can be cold, but when the sun comes out and warms your skin, I can tell you there is no happier feeling. The range of options are incredible, right from consumer goods to entertainment to celebrities, everything here is king-size. Queen-size rather. And then there is the ubiquitous Indian, every place you go there are more Indians than any nationality, British included. Right from shops to our CEO, they are all Indian. You can say the density would be like 1 person per sq meter here. I guess I am beginning to understand what the London dream means to us..

hec conference

When I attended the HEC conference in Paris, it was an interesting experience. I was keyed in to most of the discussions, i was familiar with most of the topics. In fact I had even been meaning to contact some personalities, who turned up as speakers at the conference. Of the keynote speakers, I was able to properly attend only one, and I must say it astounded me completely. Simon Pickard, from EABIS and HEC Alum, raised the question about how much growth do we really need?

Do we need growth? Is that even a question? Of course we do. That's what shareholders want, that's what people in business aim for. Isn't it a businesses responsibility to make profit for the society? I mean, if this consideration can keep a giant of a company like Walmart on its toes, of course its the norm. Wouldn't I want my wealth to grow, my reputation to grow.. ?

But as I kept listening to him, I was slowly and gradually drawn to his side of the argument. and thats where sustainability came in. there is a difference between profit and growth. I can still make profit and not aim for growth. shareholder value does not necessarily have to be my main concern, I can think about investing to get better at what I do. La Fageda does not grow becuase they think further growth on from that point will not be sustainable for them. Typically one would think of increasing the leverage of a company (increasing debt in a company as compared to its equity share) to get bigger. Whereas i am just talking about being better. To bring it to a context closer home, do I really need to grow my wardrobe because I want people to see me wear different clothes everyday? Or do I replace worn out / old clothes when time comes, in order to make my wardrobe better in a more sustainable way, without really increasing its size. This example may sound off the mark, but hopefully it conveys the thought process..

The rest of the conference was justified to its mode - student run - and leveraged the corporate network really well. It is heartening to see how in our generation, more and more people are becoming conscious of our social responsibility, and HEC conference was yet another attestation to this effect.

Finally, I did get to see the Eiffel Tower, even if while commuting, and suitably juxtaposed with the (original?) statue of liberty. Felt like globalization, stretching over from centuries ago. and it left me with a good feeling, of having caught a glimpse without really having the time, having caught the bus to the airport just in time; in general, feeling good about what we have.. driving through the contry-side on our way to beauvais airpoirt, even though we had to miss the last session, but the landscape was worth noting and apreciating..

Pain in my neck

so one fine day, i wake up with.. lets say.. discomfort. and then i realise that the pain i had thought i had been dreaming about, was in fact real. the only explanation i could have was, i don't know! the official explanation was i probably didn't sleep properly on the pillow, coz i generally avoid using one.. but the real one is a mystery..

in the beginning i didn't pay a lot of attention, it was just another sprain, nothing to worry about. i was sitting at my laptop, whiling away my sunday afternoon as usual. but soon, i moved to the bed and i convinced myself that it was just me being lazy and had nothing to do with my neck. even though i never work on my bed, coz its too small. unlike in the past, particularly in pune, but never mind that..

gradually it started getting worse, till the point that i couldn't move it at all! and if i tried, i would get a sharp shooting pain up the muscle, and i would be immobile till it passed. that scared me enough to ask for help, to take painkillers, to apply the ointment and take bed rest. thankfully it was a sunday afternoon and wissam and tariq managed the team presentation, which was due the next day. else it could have been worse. and thanks to the many suggestions of medicines and posture in general, it got better. there are still traces of the strain left, but now it doesn't inhibit neck movement.

all that happens, happens for the best. and the neck strain is another example proving this. not only did it encourage wissam an tariq to feel confident about making ppts, but it has also corrected the tilt i always had in my neck. i am serious! every time i got a passport size image clicked, the photographer would first ask me to straighten my neck and then ask me to smile. :) funny how things work. wonder why it was only my neck that was strained and nothing else?! and then you give ppl more reason for humour. right from robocop imitations to finding more creative reasons about the "positions" that may have led to this strain. what better service than to make people laugh?

and finally the small pleasures of life. it feels great to turn my head to all angles again! when i stretch and the spasm doesn't come anymore.. then to see friends from as back as school respond to you, with you so much as having sought a suggestion.. touching.. tissues anyone? or maybe i should put that on facebook and smile when ppl respond :)

being a feminist

I am not a feminist. And i don't believe in the concept of feminism. this means that while i believe in equal opportunities for men and women, i don't believe in the need for a revolution to achieve this.

women have been looked up on as the weaker sex. women have to undertake more stress in balancing work with personal life. women are physically weaker than men. at least in average terms. women have different tastes than men. women are emotionally stronger than men. again on an average basis.

BUT. they are as much a human being as men. both have their fair share of work and challenges, happiness and sorrow to deal with. in the species of human beings, gender is just another basis for classification. disability vs normal ability. colour skin. nationality. height/weight/ you can think of many more.

how do we deal with these differences? we give them special benefits to come up to the level of the other section, if there is a sense of exploitation. but unless the distinction is pointing towards an inability such as for disabled, or refugees, or rape victims, why should there be special benefits? when we do that we acknowledge them as disadvantaged, as a symbol of some kind of inability. and that is why i don't like the concept of feminism. feminism for me is a way of acknowledging women as weaker. do we really need to do that? do we make special quotas for sad people? do we provide special quota for vegetarians? there is nothing sub-ordinary about being a woman. let everyone compete on a fair level and taste the unadulterated taste of success!!

Social Evolution

In the last two months I have come across many terms related to "Social" something, and it struck me that this might be the next big evolution. now i can't put a finger on which was the first point that struck me in this context. i am just listing them all down now.

facebook - how many of us are spending time on one or the other social networking website? for various reasons ranging from friendship to dating to professional.. i trust this network enough to find me a job, to cure my neck sprain, to keep me updated about who's getting married to whom.. and so on.

wikipedia - why do we trust what's written on wikipedia? agreed that we do give it a discount of error, but still it has become out standard defining source of information.

internet in general - why do we trust that google search will give us the significantly accurate information? why do we trust in purchasing items of eBay?

reviews - why do we believe in reviews posted on imdb or other such websites? and take that one step further to reviews about gadgets, devices, even vehicles..

and if i go to controversial areas -

capitalism - as my economics prof said - why is it that the gains are for the capitalists while the losses are for the socialists? why did the government step in to save the banks that were apparently too big to fail? why was greece so sure that germany will bail it out?

social business - more and more trends are emerging in social business. its no longer philanthropy, or working in refugee camps, its now business. for profit organisations, Impact investors, Social ROI, ecological ways of urbanization, to name a few..

I believe that we are in the midst of a revolution. we are beginning to trust the knowledge of the masses. and the internet has proved to be the medium for this. what is accepted and verified by the masses is acceptable to us. all the examples i gave above have this commonality. and thats is why this is different from the social phenomenon of the past. yes there existed such social phenomenon in the past as well - libraries, festival celebrations, army, even the parliament is such an example, but these were not verified by the masses. at least not as much as they are now. its like a new democracy- a democracy of knowledge..

i also came across this interesting thought - of that capitalism leads to communism which leads to socialism. and this order is necessary as elimination is a pre-requisite for evolution. we accept the ideas of those whom we believe are equal or above us in thoughts. and capitalism is the way to reach that stage of equals. and then social ownership of property makes sense, because each one has proved his right to having that share. its like a class of mba students who have been selected after a competition and then among them they have access to equal opportunities.

i will leave you with another example - TED - why are we coming together and sharing our ideas about change? what is the magic of social networks? according to this talk below, it is the difference between graphite and diamond. the carbon atom that these two consists of is the same, but the arrangement is different. just compare the carbon to a human and the arrangemet to his social network. are you graphite or are you a diamond?

for the whole talk visit:

http://www.ted.com/talks/nicholas_christakis_the_hidden_influence_of_social_networks.html

looking out of the train window

i know you know i love train journeys. i took another one today coming back from madrid, a 3.5 hour journey in a superfast train. it was a beautiful landscape and my attention was diverted between the movie on the screen and the movie outside the window.

the movie was interesting, about a syrian migrant in new york, dubbed in spanish. but after a while it started raining. needless to say, the washed green was a treat for the eyes. you could tell where it was raining where the clouds were descending on the earth. and then the patterns struck me. for a while it was slanting drops getting splattered on the pane, and then a few sliding down vertically without a trace. as i wondered, how that was happening, the pane got crowded with more water patterns, almost to the point of getting confusing. then as we stopped at a station, just like an intermission. we started moving again, and by this time it had stopped raining. a completely different movie played out this time. as the train picked up speed, the water drops settled on the pane started getting blown away. between 150 and 180 km/hr it looked like fish swimming leisurely in the sea. as the speed increased to early 200s, the fish became horses galloping across green meadows. soon most of the water had disappeared, but the increasing speed somehow brushed out more drops out of all corners and crevices. late 200s, even touching 300 for a bit, and the drops were now minuscule bullets whizzing past in an action packed sequence. i missed the sound though. then all of a sudden the glass was so clean, all i could see was outside.

but outside encouraged another chain of thought. isn't it the same world everywhere! the same land, mountains, greenery, fields, and the sky. the industrial suburbs outside a big city. the population here is lesser for sure. although the absolute number of cars in barcelona would be the same as those in mumbai. but if i had to take a leaf out of the civilization here, i would take the small towns. and thats probably the nucleus of the difference between developed and developing countries. clean, well developed, and yet simple. no sense of embarrassment in being a small town person. rather there is a pride in the purity, in the simplicity, in being untouched by materialistic madness. i was reading "beyond profit" on the train, a magazine published by Intellecap India which updates everything going on in the responsible business sector. and there is a lot going on, in india and in the world, and not surprisingly there is a common thread to all sane things in life. i wish the villages and small towns of india develop on these lines in the coming years. to the point when you look out of a rain drenched window you cant identify the political affiliations of the land, just its beauty, consistent wherever you go.

Life's Designer

after a long foodless day, aaloo ki sabzi and bread with dahi cheeni seems to be the best meal possible. then you chance upon "the green mile" on TV, followed by "Iqbal" in clips spread across youtube and online movie. talk about simple pleasures of life. and miracles. how happiness can come about in the most unsuspecting situations and how these unsuspecting situations weave together into miracles.

as life's jigsaw puzzle starts coming together, i can see how many incidents and lessons have been correlated and are leading me to things that seems predestined. i am thinking about a tattoo in my head and the teacher says, "i want you guys to tattoo this formula on your forearm". or I am in a panel discussion, gtalking a friend about staying healthy vs. smoking (he was reading an earlier blogpost) and the panel speaker says," stay healthy. stop smoking." small things like these. and then bigger things. a guy who has this smirk on his face when he criticises others (pretty much everyone else, this is a very recent bad streak he has picked up) and he injures his lower lip. such that he can't talk or smile till the stitches are taken off. or another one that takes the cake. a friend gets an internship offer and he is very happy about it. the offer is then withdrawn 3 weeks later. another month goes by. and an interview lead that went cold 3 months ago, suddenly gets activated and converts into a much better, more prestigious and exciting internship offer. big things like these.

so what do i make of it? we are all threads in an embroidery in the making. someone up there has a design in mind and all we know is the path we are taking, marked in front of us and the knots that we become when we go to the rough side. sometimes we get an idea, but for the most part, it just looks messy. the many threads we crisscross and get knotted together. but there will be a time when we will have left behind an imprint of a beautiful flower, a flowing pattern, a rainbow of colours. we just need to keep going, keep being led by that super-designer. keep our eyes open for this miracle to be fulfilled..

Being an Engipreneur

who is an engineer? someone who adapts the findings of science to the use of man. who is an entrepreneur? one who creates a product on his account. (to quote one of the many internet definitions). what am i thinking? to be both. adapt the findings of science to create a product on my account for the use of man.

to simplify the above and move away from these definitions, let me set the context. now that i am in a classroom which does not comprise of just engineers, i get perspectives on what people have done and plan to do with their lives. life, the biggest asset we have and ourselves, the biggest capital we have. when we add the structured mathematical approach of an engineer to the creative liberating ideas of an entrepreneur, we have a heady combination. add to that some garnishing of responsibility and you have it. and this is what excites me right now.

When i attended the DGDW conference, what struck me most was the sheer variety of options that one has in the responsible business sector. each problem transforms into an idea worthy of creating social returns. and this does not mean non-financial returns. further it also does not mean non-structured approach. you don't find people selling rotational programs that promise development of leadership in our generation for a better future. and yet they accomplish it all the same. they don't come to tell you what problem they want you to solve, they ask you what you would like to do. that calls for a thorough self-assessment and even if in the end you find a different calling, at least you did gain out of an honest assessment. all is not hunky-dory i admit, but then no sector is. there is need for more professionals, more consolidation, on the whole a better streamlining of resources and an attitude change of taking this sector not as a "third" one, but as "another" one.

So far its still limited to excitement for me, but i have found the seeds to plant. and i have the sowing season still far ahead of me, so that i can cure these seeds. as i learn to build my plan and find ways to execute it, i urge you do stop and think. think about what you want from life. that one legacy that you would be proud of before you close your eyes on your final day. as i do the same, i will keep you posted.

Trade-offs: the bane of the MBA

there are others too, "it depends", "point of view" and the typical accounting terminologies of cost and margin that becomes colloquial language. but for now i want to talk about trade-offs.

i want to buy a camera. i start with a point of reference. the last camera purchase among my acquaintances was a sony cybershot. so i go to the link, and at the bottom of the page i find suggestions for similar cameras of the same or of different brands. once i figure out the brand preference, i go to the camera features, price, appearance, convenience and sort them out one by one. in each of these decisions, i make a trade-off. i want the colour quality of canon more than the sleek design of sony. i want a more affordable price rather than 2 mp more of resolution and so on. each point makes you identify a trade-off and decide which side weighs heavier.

and the trade-offs of life. i want to be healthy versus i want to smoke. i want to go for an early morning jog versus i want to sleep for those '5 more minutes'. i want to study versus i want to talk to a friend. talking with family, breathing, enjoying a happy slow meal, enjoyment and relaxation are increasingly getting traded off for more urgent needs. to pay off a credit card bill. to get a job paying 20000 euros more. soon these trade-offs lead to compromises. i cant call a mobile on skype because i dont have a credit card. not matter it may mean you dont call your friends anymore who dont have skype accounts. i wont tell this to her because she will be upset on me. no matter it may mean that you dont share your worries and problems with your loved ones anymore. i want to be settled before i get married. no matter it may mean further drifting away as distances increase.

what do we live for? another mba? more competition? higher grades? better salaries? richer clothes? swankier cars? or that one more hug, that one more walk by the river, that simple meal cooked fresh and with love in your own kitchen. we may be doing well, but are we doing any good? who decides this trade-off?

clouds in the sky

it is only when i went down south of spain during easter that i realised what was it about the sky that i had been missing.. it was clouds. not the rain clouds, but the fluffy sparse ones that stretch across the sky giving it a mild blue colour. the ones which draw your attention to them, particularly on a road trip. when you start playing games of which cloud looks like which thing and then mom scolds you, "stop it, you are distracting the driver".

and then in a broader sense, clouds are elementary to indian life. the summer is so harsh, the first sight of change in the clouds' colours can send waves of celebrations.. how gray colour can be a symbol of joy. you try and estimate, are these clouds gonna stay or are they just a fleeting shade and will get blown away by the next gust of the cruel hot wind. but as the clouds get denser and the wind becomes a cool breeze, the sun becomes a mere shadow of itself, you see the sky turn a shade of gray and then come the rains followed by the festivities.. oh i miss monsoons.. right from sustaining 60% of the farming population, to festivals, to goodies, to clothes, to traffic jams, to movies and romance, monsoon defines the moods of indian people.. even as i write, scenes of drenching rain are whizzing past me...

clouds for me are a sign of rejuvenation, of happiness, of lightheartedness, of simple plain white joy. and since here its all about a clear blue sky, i miss clouds. because its cold, rain is a sign of displeasure and further cold. unlike back home, i cannot dare to think of getting drenched in the rain and then go home and enjoy garam chai with pyaaz ke pakode.

when i go back home, i will look forward to my cloud. lighthearted, innocent, fleeting across the landscape with no worries to bother about.. thats your beauty, your gift to be preserved. and when you feel burdened and gray, its time shed some moisture and rise up again.. light and white..

Middle of nowhere

thats what i ge to hear quite often here. where were you living, in the middle of nowhere?? the context is that i usually am not aware of various topics of discussions such as music bands, artists, tourist destinations, festivals, films, and even companies sometimes. i am unaware of common terms and gross terms, of wild adventures and accepted twists of fate and behaviour.

but i did live in the middle of nowhere. nowhere as big as here, nowhere as fast as here, nowhere as complicated and cutthroat. i lived in a dreamworld, where 15 min drive meant a distance far away, where a walk to the bazar meant having an evening out. where having meals with family, hot and fresh was the most important obligation to fulfill for the day. where a rain shower could sprinkle my face in my balcony and i always had time to walk straight into it.

my nowhere did teach me somethings. values and principles. simple living. reading good books. being nice to people. importance of balance in life. sense of adapting to different people, being in their shoes and thinking from their perspective. respecting nature and the mysteries of life. being good and spreading good. wonder why when i think about settling long term, i think about going back to nowhere..

the missing 4 P's of my life

Paunch: everyone has flat stomachs here. what is it about this pig eating, 7 course meal, 2 hour siesta country that my country doesn't? paunches. to start with. i miss the traffic policemen standing manning the streets in the hot sun and wondering whether it is the all-day standing that gives them the paunch. i miss the dingy government offices where all the walls are splashed with paan spits (another missing p) and the cobwebs carry a heritage that goes beyond the british. i guess for them it is the all-day sitting that gives them the paunches. or maybe it is the race of ghee versus olive oil.

Perspiration: noses here are about ten times more sensitive than back home. you walk into the dance studio after the previous batch has left. and someone behind you comments, this room smells of dance. i understand the comment in my head, but not in my nose. and the sweaty people are not even in the room. i wonder what would happen if the someone were in india. in mumbai. by marine drive on a sweltering may evening. maybe just melt away into the sea. oh but wait, how many smells would he distinguish on the beach. i miss the wind drying the sweat beads on my face. the trail of the bead down my skin. spreading my arms wide pillion riding on the bike, almost flying away. where were you going missing p - pillion riding.

Phone: i could never sit quietly. after all what was the phone for. i had things to talk, and people had time to listen. even before the mobile-less days, back when i was forbidden to take calls because of the number of blank calls we used to get. then the missed call communication mode. then the free sms mode. then the free calling mode. then the free receiving mode. and now no phone mode. gone are the days when i preferred the slim genius. i have a monster of a smartphone now, which i barely use to call. my world of voices has now become my world of words. and from today onwards in this new term with my new seat where the professor talk to the class while his face is inches away from mine, i am back into the no phone zone. missing p - pj, (time)pass.

Pals: i miss you guys. canteen to telankhedi, CCD to long rides, GB to sweet chariot, aundh to KP, those are precious memories and i am proud to have shared these moments with you. another missing p - picture dekhne jate hain.

perseverance keeps me going. some p's are good to have.

unprecedented snow

in barcelona in march. and unprecedented for me.

i get off the bus, my jacket zipped up to my chin, hood in place and the umbrella firmly blocking the rogue rain from reaching me. i can only see my feet, as i walk up the slope, refusing to let the rain touch my face. by the time i reach school i realize i can't see the rain. because its not rain anymore, its something white. and soft. and melts on your fingertip after a swift glimpse of the crystal structure. its snowing in barcelona!

students are out in the lounge in the first coffee break and are running out with the blackberry cameras in hand. i don't want to go in, i want to experience fresh snow! its so beautiful as the flakes dance their way down. the wind makes them change direction, swirl around, its almost a balle performance, complete with pristine white. my seat is close to the window, and right beyond the projector screen i can see the snow dancing. the trees resisting the snow from perching on their leaves, the wall has just begun to accumulate it. after school, the students unleash the child in them, and hurl snowballs at each other. snowflakes on the coat lapels, intertwined in the hair, and about to go down someone's collar. when you walk, you foot sinks into the soft powdery surface, and its almost like walking in a fairytale.

and then you reach the street. the cars are under a thick pile of snow, you still have your camera out and are clicking pictures everywhere, when you reach the first intersection and see cars stuck. children standing outside school, wailing in the cold, parents scrambling for umbrellas, coats, anything they could get to make their children comfortable. and then you start slipping. the snow is ice now. the colour has changed and so has your fairytale experience. as you keep walking on to metro changing your mind about taking the bus, you see the mismanagement. its not a calamity, yet, its the sheer inability of human being to predict and hedge against natures variability. thankful for having my waterproof and hooded long coat, but regretting my sneakers, i trudge along. the snow is now turning brownish, you see more people piling into the metro station than ever. scramble for the tickets, scramble for the train, and then wait. the train waits for more people to get in, and stops for longer duration at each stop. when you finally walk back home from the station, the snow has turned into slush, and your sneakers are now soaked. the street is just a brown mess. when the snow piles on your umbrella, you just realize another one of the forms snow can mean. beauty, cold feet, weight, traffic jam. and so on.

and yet, in all this you see the highlights of human nature. despair for the parent in his inability to protect his child. and then another parent making her children jump, to throw off the snow on their coats, to generate some heat in their bodies and to have a light moment to forget the despair. and then the crowd cheering every time the train moves towards the next station. and even more when you see the announcement that classes tomorrow have been cancelled.

hail (no pun here) snow!

German Bakery Blast

German bakery was ripped apart in a bomb blast last night, killing 9 people. German Bakery, now no more, marked my life in Pune.

I used to live 600 meters from German Bakery. Every morning, crossing GB by 7.35 am was my goal to ensure I would be able to take the office bus. and in the evening, walking by GB marked relief and relaxation. Nepali, who opened the bag containing the bomb thus triggering the blast, and the other waiters knew i wanted the apple pie the moment they saw me walk in. on some days i would surprise him by not asking for a take-away parcel, and just enjoy a green tea in the L-shaped seating area. just sitting there, on those wooden benches, watching people of all colours and nationalities talking in various languages, GB was my introduction to an international crowd. GB extreme TP was how we called our gang of friends, when as General Crazideas, Major Hawkeye, Captain Maverick and Captain Mystique, we had our headquarter meetings every night. i discovered the mushroom cheese omlette here with Manisha and that dimly lit area became the founding stone of our friendship. and one bomb blew it all apart. but not before i had put three seas between GB and me.

when i heard about the blast, i was miles away, returning from a ski trip in Andorra. my muscles are sore from the skiing i learnt in the past two days, but my heart is bleeding from the news of this small shop being blown to pieces. the place which was a part of my identity in pune, the city where i discovered myself. but before this identity got destroyed, i tore myself away from my country. in search of an experience, and in search of friends. and i have come to realise why the friends you make in childhood are the friends you make for life. my friends back in pune reached out to me to share their pain, their concern, and here in the midst of a huge crowd of so-called like-minded people, i could barely find 2 people to share this story. who i thought would be bothered by it, by my feelings. and here i was, enjoying a novel experience, having the freshness of the mountains and the beauty of the snow rejuvenate me, disconnected from the world. while pune is suffering. india is suffering. the people i care about are the ones i have left behind, and the people i am seeking are those who don't care. i don't blame them for not caring, its not in their nature, i am blaming myself for expecting, and for not valuing the important things in my life and instead seeking what is not important.

life has its way of teaching things, and if i had to come here to figure this all out, to find myself, then i guess its worth it. keep personal and professional life separate. thats the lesson, easier said than done, but not impossible. and i will learn.