finding fault within yourself

prelude: my blogposts are getting more serious and at the same time the frequency is reducing. it is only because, i assure you with all sincerity, my thinking speed has reduced and time has expanded!!!

it was a weird coincidence. on two consecutive days in two different courses, the professor reiterated the importance of being able to find your own fault in any altercation. one spoke in leadership terms, about the range of an individual's tendency to decline or accept a proposition. the other explained it in terms of probability, how intuitive deciphering can lead to ignoring one's own involvement and judging only the other person. i dont believe in coincidences, i believe they happen with a purpose, and in order to give you the next clue for this universal treasure hunt of life, when the force finds you stuck at another crossroad. so, on a personal note this could not be more meaningful.

i was at crossroads and needed a clue to pull myself out. this clue helped me come out of deep guilt pangs. not only i realised what i was doing, but also as soon as i realised it, i had the solution in front of me. as if an x-ray report flashed in front of me and then a doctor's prescription in some bad handwriting. wait, it gets even better. if the guilt was tough enough, the confession was tougher. and the toughest was the wait for retribution. i cannot harp enough about the tight timelines we live in today, each one of us, that make life complicated enough without factoring the softer personal issues. but i have come out wiser from facing and dealing with this situation. it is fairly early in this new life that I am embarking upon, and the sooner the lesson learnt, the better it is. not only did i get the timely hint to deal with this, i also had the patience to wait for the reaction, and the sense to understand the gift i have and how i am the one who has to nurture it. forever.

i have been talking and thinking and talking over this for the past few days. with the accounting and leadership stuff going on in my lower brain. i dont know if all of this is a big justification, and maybe more than necessary. but i told you that my thinking has got slower and time has expanded, so this is all straight from the heart.

if you have understood not a single word of the above, well maybe you were not supposed to. take the clue ;) and if you have, then well, I am glad.