like most other stories in my life, this one began on a whim too. call it instinct, or stupidity, but i promised myself i would get a dog if i got a job. and then it became an adventure. i had never had a pet really, well excepting the fish in pune, which was colourful enough to compensate for completely ignoring ad not talking to me at all times. so i started researching in full sincerity, how much time investment is required, what are my constraints, what are its demands etc etc. i found out that it was indeed as difficult as having a child to have a pet dog. and it does not clean itself, which means i would have to handle shit. literally. that was the first deterrant.
then i got to know about my friend ana's cat. it is clean, independent, and affectionate. 2 of my housemates have had cats as pets in the past and they absolutely adored the idea. so the training began - tips and tricks, food and habits, names (i had already picked chiringuito), buying cat litter and food, rescheduling social events at home so that in future a cat might not get too disturbed, identifying list of shelters to pick the animal from, getting my landlady's approval, making trips to the shelter to pick one up and then... the shock of it all. the trip to the shelter itself took place after ample delay - months of procrastinating and planning, trying to find the ideal muhurt. i even fought the idea that getting a cat with 2 months of barcelona left, a possible 2 months in kabul and then later life in london will be hard on the cat. i can deal with change, and so can my cat, right? (wrong!! but i was to realise that soon enough before doing any damage) i picked a cat on a website, but at the shelter i found it was sick. another one was friendly enough, but that the day the director was not in to do the adoption formalities. next week i had to ditch sara at calcotada to go to the shelter with a bad to finally get the cat, but couldnt find the one we liked the previous time. further this time, i liked three cats one after another and each had a problem. i like to call it the problem of the smelly cat, wild cat and sick cat. the first one had shit all over its rear, the second one didnt like human beings and the third one would have to be put under medical observation for two weeks before it could be adopted because it had parasites in its intestines. i gave up the idea. no getting a cat in barcelona before the end of the mba. maybe i will get one when i go to london. maybe not, who knows who i will live with, where i will live, and if i will find anyone to guide me on living with pets like my present housemates. que sera sera.
maybe after all i am a dog person then. maybe i am not a pet person at all. maybe i am just solving the wrong problem. i was probably fantasizing about having a dog which would be my very own attention and affection machine. yeah right it at the core of it, it really is that lame. and then when i realised a dog will need affection than i will probably be able to give it, i switched to cats. coz cats can take care of themselves, while i get used to having pets, but maybe that just means they aloof. which then defeats the first purpose. phew! what a dilemma!
affection is not to be found outside, and cannot be planned. you have to first be the one who can give limitless affection and then it will just automatically bounce back at you. you have to wait for it, and realise that it could all be a mistake but even that in the end will leave you with a learning, with a happy memory and a lesson to keep. do i really want to be with someone? have i faced myself yet? do i understand what it means to be single and then acknowledge being attached again? it is a task to let yourself go enough to get attached and one can only deal with that if one doesnt have expectations. if you are attached and you have expectations basically you are screwed.
at this point to end on a positive note, i would like to quote a couple of dialogues from a movie i watched recently. (yes it is a stupid romantic movie) "losing your mind is not a luxury for the middle class..." and "if we are all alone, then we're all together in that too..."
P. S. I Love you
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