please dont stop the music

it all started last term when i started going to bows regularly to keep the flag of the dgdw team high - to show the others that the team was not dying out of the pressure of working for dgdw. first it was not very exciting, my hesitation persisted owing to the loud volume, the crowded spaces and the makes-more-sense-to-drink-alcohol if-you-want-to-drink-even-if-you-are-just-plain-thirsty concept. then gradually i started enjoying the music, as i remembered it and recognised it and could feel myself moving to it. when i went to india, i missed the music and the bow the most out of the mba life, and the moment i would hear a familiar song, the sense of excitement would amaze me. after coming back, i started planning to attend bows, unlike earlier when it would just be a last minute decision; and that also meant i would dress-up for it. then i started enjoying the dance, really staying as long as possible to groove to the music. like rihanna says - i just wanna dance, i don't really care...

my recent picks are three songs that i absolutely love dancing to - enrique's tonight i'm loving you, usher's falling in love, j lo's on the floor. then there is also a beautiful world, discovered as recently as a few days ago and a bunch of songs by black eyed peas and rihanna. which brings to another discovery - spotify. i only have a few lists so far, but the sheer joy of being able to have youtube like search engine experience with no worries about quality or buffering and the convenience of making a playlist out of it, its just exhilarating. i am not very efficient at using it yet. but i am beginning to appreciate and enjoy it.

until now it used to be more of appreciation of the music than of the dance. you would watch movies, and associate songs with the context, such that when you felt something in your life, you would remember the song and express it that way. dance was neither a medium of expression nor a passion. songs like kya mujhe pyar hai, abhi na jao chhod kar meant everything, and even today there is a list of songs that inspire me in any and every crossroad of my life. they tug at my heart - but that also make me feel guilty that i have not kept up with my ability to sing them. such that when i try, its almost embarrassing. not only the singing, but also the guitar, which i never really tried despite living with 2 awesome guitar players and willing teachers and having one instrument completely at my disposal. but then as a saving grace, i can say that the list of such songs has also expanded - from "whats a fella to do in p.s. i love you to the melodies of moulin , just like bollywood situational melodies.

and then i look back to see that how important dance has always been for me. an expression of excitement and joy - but i had never been able to channel it out properly. its not the same to dance in your room in such a constricted space, where you dont have the joy of being able to coordinate your moves with someone, just share that excitement of knowing a move, or just partnering and being able to create a move - an experience in its own. and that is what i have discovered in these last few months. the moves are all locked inside, i just need that outlet - to free the dancer within, just for the beauty of the feeling, of the happiness that one feels when those moves make you out of breath and stress out your muscles. be it the salsa that i spent two years learning, or the samba that i can barely imitate after a brief session at the carnival and the brazilian party, or the more "indecent" moves where you really use your body, not caring about who is watching and what you are making someone else feel. its something you want to do, something that makes you feel good and thats all the reason thats needed to do it.

pat says "you are a dancer at heart" and sarang says "you are a free spirit" and i guess dancing lets both these characteristics out for me. wearing the right clothes, the right music, the right lyrics, the right partners, the right lighting and the right mood induced either by company or events or just a plain mohito - its amazing how it all just fits together. and i find it difficult to believe now that i had this big chunk of my life missing till date. i guess its also a cultural thing. i never had the chance to dance socially, i didn't party and i didnt go to dance events. i performed on stage when i could but that was rare and in any case it was a different ball-game altogether. and even then it was bollywood, or on once in a blue moon chance a kathak. even when i was learning kathak in pune, it was more of a course than an expression of emotions for me. i had never been able to let go. until now.

and now although i am going to miss the bow culture and the amazing dance partners, i am going to find more reasons to continue dancing, to learn more forms and to keep exploring and expressing.