a problem of expectations

vs. ambitions. who am i? what is my value as an mba? what should my level of expectations vs. my level of ambition be? who decides it?

i was on riding high on a wave of solving case studies in class, as part of discussions aided by colleagues and professors. people who had a matching mental frequency, who understood a common language as well as a common jargon. intelligent jargon, and yet just a smart packaging of common sense. i remember the last argument i had with my team. i had proposed a solution based on best practices followed in other industries, and they thought talking about this would be equivalent to bullshit because it was just plain common sense. which company would not already know that? but that company didnt, it had forgotten the benefit of applying that particular common sense. so riding on that wave of business understanding, i was looking forward to my internship. socha tha sab mba honge, iese ko pehchanenge, wah kya discussions honge, but nahi.. it is a mixed world, the real world, and i am coming back to the real world. politics, mediocracy, defensiveness, resistance to change, lack of efficient processes, complicated people management.. and my mba dream is demystifying. wasn't it magical how common sense could be packaged into frameworks - but to implement it is another ball game. if only everyone had the wisdom to uncrack this magic, no frameworks would be required anyway.

but again, where do i draw the line? what is the set of tasks, that i am not supposed to work on? what can i expect out of an internship except to get a full-time offer? and what is the great achievement i have done by finishing first yr mba? what have i learnt so far? when will i apply it? how do my friends and ex colleagues see me as? how do my manager and my team see me as?

i realize i have changed - is this the bane of being ambitious? then again, isn't it be better to create an opportunity out of every situation that i am in? if nothing is perfect, there will always be scope for improvement, and i still have the freedom of choosing the technique for improvement..

on an ending note.. what do i expect out of my personal life? how many hours is ideal to work on a daily basis? how can i ensure that i can prepare and eat rotis everyday when i get back home? how can i start thinking about settling down? is it too early, do i have ambitions to chase? or do i want a house, with plants, a pet and someday a family.. this scene from "Batman begins" refuses to leave my mind - the last scene where Bruce Wayne finds his childhood toy stethoscope among the ashes of his burnt ancestral home, and is thinking of building it back brick by brick to how it used to be. when will i find a new home for my childhood treasures? is that expecting too much and too soon?